Self-Awareness and Writing Emotion

It's kind of funny to me that I'm a writer who actually gets paid to write now. If you'd asked me five years ago if I'd ever be able to do that, I would probably have said no--even though I wanted to. Ten years ago? I would have definitely said no, nothing anyone would read.

My negative outlook wasn't linked to my dyslexia. It wasn't because I didn't think I could write in an entertaining fashion--even ten years ago I was certain I could tell an entertaining story. At least from an external point of view. It was the internal stuff that threw me.

I know why this is now. I am an atypical girl.

• I hate shoes. I've been known to wear sandals in the snow. Once I forgot to wear shoes to work...(which is another story...)
• I only carry a handbag so I have somewhere safe to keep my ereader. 
• I loathe Lifetime/Hallmark Channel Christmas movies(or well, just in general you can't make me watch those channels). 
• In summer, I will walk in the rain without an umbrella even when I'm not feeling sad(people only walk in the rain in movies when they're sad.)

Also? I don't like examining my feelings about anything. And holy crap, if you make me talk about my feelings? Conversation will go down hill fast--I'm doing good if I can string ten words together. I prefer the most generic words possible to describe my emotional state(I know it's like social camouflage, and I don't care!).

I'm good.
I'm okay. 
I'm bleh... 

If anyone wants to explore these generic words with me, I can probably filter it down another level and give bare details to explain whatever upset me... But if the person I'm speaking with can't work out from this why I'm upset, any further digging will probably make me cry. It doesn't matter what the emotion is, if it's big and personal, I can't talk about it.


This is why therapy would be useless for me.(Which is not to say that I don't need it. I'm pretty sure I'm nuts, I just like to think it's a quirky, fun kind of crazy.)

This was also why I couldn't get deepDEEP inside the emotional state of my characters. I couldn't examine their feelings because I didn't even examine my own feelings. So I didn't have a clear point of comparison for anything. I didn't have better words than the generic ones.


I didn't start digging deeper until I wrote the book that actually sold. It isn't autobiographical by any stretch, but I used a lot of things from my life... Enough that everything felt familiar, I didn't have to stretch to understand the characters. But in the first couple drafts, I didn't stretch hard enough to describe/depict those emotions. Not until my editor made me do it. I resisted. Good lord, I resisted. I love reading romance(especially stories with THE ANGSTS!), but my unsold drafts were full of glancing blows at emotion. Riddled with jokes that kept the characters and ME from having to look too closely at what we were feeling.

Which brings me to the point of this post: I've been judging an unpublished RWA contest, and all my entries have so many good things to say about them: good writing, warm voices, interesting situations... But a couple of them have characters I wanted to love but could not connect with. The writer didn't dig deep enough.

In the past, I've been advised to think of a similar situation in my life to what the character is facing, and relive those emotions while writing a scene. But that never helped me. Invariably, my reliving the past involved me thinking about how at the time I didn't want to think about the bad thing that was happening!

Getting emotion on the page is more about your own Self-Awareness than anything related to writing. You have to understand yourself before you can ever try to understand other people.(Quick Note: Sympathy and Empathy are not interchangeable. They're different. Ask Uncle Google to explain. I know I've banged the Empathy Drum before, but writers need strong Empathy, and that starts with understanding yourself.)

The only way I know to do that is by examining your memories and all the messy bits attached to them.
 
And I don't mean just think about it, I mean wallow. Open that metaphorical vein and let that sucker bleed. Do NOT apply pressure or try to staunch the flow. If it doesn't hurt,  you haven't cut deeply enough.

The only way you'll ever understand other people(especially imaginary people who spring from your crazybrain) is to understand yourself(and your crazybrain). I know that sounds like New-Agey Woo-Woo talk, but...some professions lend themselves to the Woo-Woo talk.
 
Because I love craft books, and there are some truly excellent(and even mind-blowing) writing books about emotion out there, please let me recommend:

• Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View by Jill Elizabeth Nelson
• Writing for Emotional Impact… by Karl Iglesias
• Practical Emotional Structure by Jodi Henley

Tropes Tropes an Awesome Post

Not mine, but considering how frequently I talk romance and tropes, I couldn't resist sharing.

http://jamigold.com/2013/08/story-tropes-should-we-avoid-them/

A Writer's Most Important Trait

I know I haven't been doing this very long, at least not with official author credentials, but I have a couple bits of advice to share, so I'm gonna share them!

You can find a million blogs/websites online that tell you how to be a good writer, and I'm sure they all have nuggets of juicy and valuable wisdom. Some folks will rightly claim that having a great imagination is what you need to be a good writer. I don't disagree. Creativity will take you far. Others may say that you just need determination and to practice your craft, and eventually you'll get there. I slightly disagree with that, but on the whole, I think it's great advice.

But the thing is, if you want to write romance where emotion is king, the most important trait you can have is Empathy. If you can't really put yourself into someone else's shoes(which does take imagination, sometimes a lot of it!), then you can't be a selling romance writer. Not until you learn how. And really, all good fiction is character driven, so I believe this applies across the genre divides, but unequivocallyin romance.

I think the empathy level of romance writers is higher than average and that's why the romance writing community is so supportive, but there have been some instances(in the past couple months mostly) that have made me want to shake a baby author and say... Imagine it was you before you ________.

This even goes past writing and into the professional persona you have to craft. Everyone wants to work with folks who are easy to work with. Authors want to work with editors who are easy to work with. Editors want to work with authors who are easy to work with. Dairy cows want to work with farmers who have soft hands... and therefore are easy to work with!

Scared bunny

I say this with all love: Most writers(me included) at heart are a bunch of neurotic, paranoid, baby rabbits with a crack addiction. Great imaginations mean we're Great Worriers. There may be no snarling beagle cornering us, staring us down with those pointy teeth and floppy ears of DOOM... but we can picture it! So the fear is very real. The fear of submitting. The fear that our submission has been lost/ignored/destroyed-by-internet-gremlins... The fear that the editor hates our story(AND US!) and just can't find a nice way to tell us to stop with all the submitting already! The fear that our new editor is lamenting being saddled with us and our questionable writing skills...(Did you see my windmill arm flailing a couple weeks ago?)

Stop. Put that bunny back in his hutch and take away his lunch money.

Empathy. Empathy. Empathy. Empathy. Empathy. Empathy. Empathy.

That is all :)

First sale!

My So You Think You Can Write submission sold to Harlequin Mills&Boon Medical Romance line this morning!

I had an uncertain inkling it was coming since Wednesday morning.

I was composing a post for the SubCare thread at the Harlequin forums--just a roll call post announcing what I had out where--and before I hit Submit on the post I got an email from the lovely Suzanne Clarke, who has been working with me through the revisions. The email said basically, I want to call you.

At that point, I had an out-of-sanity experience.

In my mind: Upon reading the email, I gracefully sail into the other room and mention in completely casual tones, "Oh, by the way, this wonderful editor wants to talk to me." La la la

What really happened: I jumped up and ran through the house, but before I got to the other room, I forgot how doors worked. So I slammed into the door a couple times before I realized that I had to, oh, I don't know... TURN THE KNOB. And then I blurted out "SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE!" Message delivered(sort of), I barreled back to my computer like Animal from the Muppets. She who? Who needs coherent details?

Later, I missed the call. You know, like a sane person who can't figure out what phone to answer when she hears ringing. Or doesn't hear ringing, because the phone I took with me through the house(and back yard) was the wrong phone and too far from the phone base to ring.

Rescheduled call for next day, but germs conspired to thwart our plans that day. Germs are devious little monsters. I know these things. I write medical romance. (heee)

Today she called and I giggled through the whole conversation, I think. Fairly certain I sounded like an escaped mental patient. But she said wonderful things, some of which I kind of remember! After I squawked a few monosyllabic words, she told me the new title and scheduled release date.

From here on in, Mountain Man has been new-named: Craving Her Rough-Diamond Doc, and shall be born into paper and ink October 2013 :)

I have a few tweaky revisions to make yet, which I'm fixin to tackle(when my brain resumes functioning). After that, I'll be brainstorming next story so I can whip up a short outline to pitch(Did I mention: Two book contract? YAY!!).

Maggie(my dog) has no idea what's going on, but she's very excited that there's lots of giggling and happiness today. She keeps doing the Maggie-dance: this involves hopping, massive tail wagging, occasional barking for no apparent reason other than she wants to make noise too.

SYTYCW Interviews

My pal Maria Buscher decided to interview entrants into 2012's So You Think You Can Write -- Harlequin's writing competition. So if you're curious how other entrants have been getting on, stop by her blog.

My interview kicks off the series, talking about Mountain Man:MD and what I've learned from revising him(so far). But I'm sure the others will have useful advice :D

New interviews will go up on Thursdays. Stop by!

Next few interviewees:

• Fiona Marsden (Feb 7)
• Janie Couch (Loveylove day! Feb 14)
• Heather Gardner (Feb 21)
• (There will be more, just stopping the list here.)

Romance Tropes

Compiling a more complete tropes reference, but have strayed a bit into themes and characters here and there.

Moved this list to permanent page

I is for ... Interesting People

I had an idea all lined up for I-themed post for A to Z, but I got Writer's Regret before ever actually writing it and I decided to talk about something else instead! Luckily, I was inspired to do so by a workshop I attended tonight.

My little rural county is full of writers. Monday nights, my local library has been hosting writing workshops with different published writers from the area, which they also did last year. I went to all of them last year, but the first few this year were repeats of the year before, so I'm only attending the last two.

Kay Stockham

Tonight, Kay Stockham and Serena Miller teamed up to presenting. Kay writes small town series for Superromance, and Serena writes inspirational romance, both historical and Amish suspense.

Kay spoke about writing in series, Scrivner(ProTip: she's a huge fan), RWA membership advantages, and answered some questions about submissions(Sekrits about unagented subs to publishers--shhh).

Serena Miller

Serena spoke about her methods for historical research, differences between the language in old books versus modern historicals, the value of interviews in research(ProTip: She went to make friends with Amish folks in order to get setting and culture right for her Amish stories), importance of writing conferences, tips about pitching to editors and agents.

I've read some of Kay's books(if you want to read emotional punch, Kay's a master), but was unfamiliar with Serena's(I don't tend to read Inspirational) before tonight. Now I've written her name into my TBR list... something about Amish and suspense... I kind of have to check that out.

And since I've gone entirely off the rails with my theme for this post, I am closing with something ridiculous so it's not a total wash:

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”
Dr. Seuss

Accountability Update & Bready stuffs

Loving the snowflake method for writing. First time using it, and feeling ridiculously empowered. Building from one sentence to one paragraph to one page... and on to a (short) prototype first draft takes all the overwhelmed feelings away from the process. No start at A and write 60K words and hope you end at Z, the gradual expansion makes it all feel very possible. It's comforting.

First draft goal has evolved. Harlequin announced a fast-track for their Romance/Riva subs, and since Riva is where I feel my voice belongs within the Harlequin family, I've derailed from eWife enough to start working on another story. Much as I am uncertain about my ability to write two projects at the same time, my first draft on eWife by April 1 goal has become Prototype First Draft by April 1, and actually I'm ahead of schedule on that.


Amending goals to include prototype draft of the Fast-Track Riva manuscript, along with first chapter and synopsis by April 23, which is the end date on submissions.

Finally, is it crazy to feel like I'm cheating on my wildyeast starter to contemplate baking with any other kind of leavening? Seriously, I'm like... if it doesn't use the starter, I ain't making it. That can't be normal. I don't even know if you can use it for stuff like... cookies. Or biscuits!

Medical Romance Book Review: One Month to Become a Mum

... Is the most excellent debut from Louisa George.

I don't even know where to start with this review. It's not often that I write them, and even less frequently do I write reviews for fiction.

I could say I loved it(I did), and gush about how the characters were drawn so sharply I couldn't fail to love them(Yep, that's true.). I could say I had to put it down in the middle when duties dragged me away, and I couldn't wait to get back(Also true), or that the emotional wounds were so deep I could almost smell the blood(I connected with the characters, does it show?).
 
I don't often gush over books with children with them. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I don't have any and sometimes the stories with secret babies and pregnancies are harder for me to identify with and I'll skip over baby stories for their non-baby counterparts. Had I not won the book, I may have not read this one(and probably wouldn't have because it's not on sale in the U.S. for some reason). That would have been my loss.

If I'm trying to figure out something on my own, I think I'm something of a slow learner. If you explain a new concept and give me examples, I'm quick to catch on. If you give me two very similar things and ask me what's different about them, the chances that I'll highlight the important differences are slim. What is logical to one person is not logical to me, and that's always how it's been.

I said that to say this: Louisa's writing made me realize what is missing in my own writing with such clarity I can only call it an epiphany. I'll look forward to her next release, with or without a baby.

Medical Romance and North America

In March, Harlequin is doing a Spotlight on Medical Romance in their forums. In the UK and Australia, there's nothing new about Medical Romances, they are actually available in stories on other continents, but here in North America you can only buy them online. And if someone doesn't frequent Harlequin.com, what are the chances they'll even be introduced to them?

So, I'm making 2012 my year to introduce North American romance lovers to the awesome that is Medical Romance. If you live on this Medical Romance-deprived continent with me, get your MedRom fix in paperback so you can join me in donating your gently used copies to your local library. If your library is like mine, they'll shelve pretty much anything donated, and if we can get those books on shelves--the North American romance-loving public can be introduced to them without having to take the initiative to seek out books they've never heard of. It might be scheming big, but it'd be awesome to one day see these fantastic stories alongside their other category counterparts on shelves in my neighborhood.

If you've never read a medical romance, here's my top five reasons to give them a try:

1. Over the past year especially, there's been a distinct trend toward young voices. These are not your mother's medical romances. 
2. Drama, baybay. These stories are high octane, packed with emotion. Not just life and death situations, either. Medicals aren't afraid to tackle the darker, grittier subjects often considered verboten in category romance. 
3. Variety in sensuality. Some are tender and sweet, and others will Set Your eReader on fire(like Wendy S. Marcus's Once a Good Girl)
4. More variety! Big city, small village GP, or on a hospital boat sailing down the Amazon(like Tina Beckett's debut shown at the top of the page) -- these stories can take you anywhere.
5. What's more heroic than people who devote their lives to saving others? Don't they deserve some Happily Ever After?

If you want to join me, I'd love to keep track of what's going on where. Leave me a comment, or email me: amalieberlin at gmail dot com. If you like and read medical romance and want to share a favorite author/title/theme/whatever, I'd love to know.

Or, hey, if you write for HMB Medical Romance and want to donate some books to NA libraries, I'd be happy to help anyway I can -- either by finding addresses of the libraries or locating folks willing to deliver to their local repositories for all human knowledge :)

I refuse to believe that a country that craves doctor dramas on TV doesn't have a place for it on the book shelves, too.

New Voices -- 2011

It's that time of year again, and I'm both excited and terrified. The closer it comes to story upload date, the more I dread it.

Last year at this time, I was just starting out in my effort to give writing a serious shot. I'd had one tiny victory, so I was feeling confident as only a newbie can. I was 100% stoked to upload my chapter. Everyone would love it, right? Naturally, it was going to be awesome. I had an awesome story. I had awesome characters(still last year's thoughts). I was totally going to make the first cut.

Except I didn't. Okay, regroup. This is okay. I'm going to make that callback list for sure! Wrong again. Hmm, maybe I'm doing this wrong...

I know, I'll get a couple craft books. That will square me right up. More questions emerged. I'll take an official, pay-lots-of-money, several-month writing class. This will teach me(and it did) lots of things I'm doing wrong. I'll write, and rewrite, and rewrite. Read more craft books.

One year later, I've probably read 30 craft books, of which 20-or-so I own. I've joined RWA, national and local chapter. I've got a writing group. I've been to a couple writing conferences/seminars. I've got an awesome Critique Partner. I have written approximately 120K words (on one story), and submitted it. I've learned a lot, and I've invested a lot of time and money in doing so.

Which brings me back around to my terror. I desperately want to enter, and I will do so, but this year I've lost my newbie-confidence. Instead of being certain my idea is great, I oscillate between certainty that the idea is golden, and even sharper certainty that it will be universally reviled. How's that for being a walking contradiction?

The other thing that scares me is that somehow I've started to think of this single contest as some kind of validation. If I make one list, or get X-amount of positive feedback, or whatever... that it will prove this year and the associated $$ will have been a wise investment. And, of course, when it doesn't, will that mean I've wasted my time?

There are writers who have been doing this for years and are in the same boat, and a year in I'm already asking these questions. No idea what that means, but I do feel a bit like a whiner even expressing these feelings.

I'll definitely enter, come hell or high water(though if both come, I make no promises). And I am excited to do so. Despite my terror. I am trying to manage my reasons for entering.

• I find participation in these large-scale events invigorating. They remind me why I love to write when I'm struggling with self-doubt.
• Someone has to win, and sticking with the contest through the whole process will allow me to learn, first hand, what it is about different entries that garners attention. What did they do right? How can I implement this?
• It is genuinely fun to read all the different entries, especially when I may not otherwise approach a particular subgenre.
• May possibly gain some insight as to whether my story hooks are too off-the-wall(which I am actually very worried about).

Going to have to stop worrying about all this and actually write the damned book soon! Like... now.

NV entry

I know, the rating will be gone in just a matter of minutes (that's how it seems to work when the avg votes get up), but my entry is currently #2 on the Most Popular search for all entries. In a few minutes, it won't be, but for now, I am SNOOPY DANCING.

Also got a couple very nice comments, which is awesome because my inner evil editor has been rather browbeating me the past couple days. She's an evil wretch, but for the next few minutes... I bask in the glow of ALMOST #1. *baskbask*

That is all.

UPDATE from 10 minutes later: *whistlingbombnoiseBOOOM*

Current projects

I am not in the habit of blogging, I had one a couple years ago and I can't even remember where or what it was called, I just have a vague recollection of musings on Emergency Poptarts. I can't find it, so you can see how unimportant it was. Fair warning, this blog may devolve into the inner-workings of my insane-in-the-membrane cranium, but I will try to keep it mostly on track.

In August I participated in the Mills & Boon Medical Fast-Track. Never in a million years did I think they would want to see more, so I entered for two main reasons:
1) I had never submitted my writing anywhere before and thought that it would be easier to wait a couple weeks to know whether I was anywhere in the vicinity of 'the right track,'
2) The letter of critique (even brief) from an editor so I could see what I was doing right/wrong seemed like too good a deal to pass up--had never had a crit on my writing before that.

As Ms. Shiela had posted that unfinished manuscripts were allowed, and because I had been waffling about what story to pursue on my own and between projects, I took this and ran with it. I sat down, plotted, planned and wrote the first 10 pages of chapter one, and a 2 page double-spaced synopsis and then sent that sucker in. I'm still rather shocked that they didn't say a peep about changes to story, and asked for the whole thing--which of course is not finished. So, I have been pounding the keyboard to try and get it done in between fretting that I won't be able to deliver the necessary quality material, and writing my New Voices entry chapter.

Now that NV chapter is up (Unlikely Aphrodite), I am back to the Medical, which is good because that story wouldn't shut up while I was trying to figure out my NV entry -- and it took a great deal longer than I would have liked to take form.

Since the Med is outlined, and I'm up to chapter 3/4 area, I am hoping to resume course and add another 10-15 pages per night. I aim high, since I'm a competitive maniac and if I can't compete with someone else, I must compete with myself. We'll see how that pans out, I'm slightly ADD. I swear I have never taken Ambien, but a week or so ago (while ineffectively writing), without really realizing I was doing it, I Googled the history of processed cheese slices and how they get into the plastic wrapper. Out-of-body-Googling is what I have dubbed it. I'm fairly certain this means I'm crazy. I guess it could have been worse, I could have realized I was eating those processed cheese slices.