Apr 25, 2012

W is for ... Willie Nelson Got Me Thrown Out of a Movie

During my really early twenties, I had a roommate. She was pretty weird too, so we got along well, good for a roommate. We had lots of deep philosophical conversations like this:

Roomie: What do you do if a guy you don't want to go out with leaves a message saying to call him? Do you call him back? 
Me: Er, well, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings... so I probably wouldn't call him back. I'd just pretend it never happened and hope he did the same.(I know this is terrible...)
Roomie: Okay. What if it was someone famous? (Because all good deep philosophical conversations involve such realistic  scenarios) 
Me: Someone famous wants to go out with me and I don't want to go?
Roomie: Willie Nelson! Willie Nelson wants to go out with you, you don't want to go, do you call him back? 
Me: Well, I guess. I mean... it's Willie Nelson. You kind of have to call Willie Nelson back when he calls you...

We never revisited this conversation.

Fast forward a year, we went to see As Good As It Gets. Jack Nicholson kisses Helen Hunt. I'm young, stupid, and a bit shallow. He's much older than Helen, and it Ooooged. Me. Out.

I leaned over and whispered to Roomie, "I would never kiss Jack Nicholson." And in a flash, our earlier conversation came back to me and I added, "Even if Willie Nelson asked me to."

And then I got tickled. It struck me as the funniest thing in the history of funny.

All this is happening during a very emotional part of the movie, and I was trying so hard not to laugh. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shaking with contained church giggles. This makes it funnier. In the space of a few seconds, I am laughing like a crazy person. And I don't want to!

I try so hard to put the cork back on that bottle. It doesn't work. Not long after AN USHER COMES and makes me leave. Which just makes it funnier.

I can't walk. I am laughing too hard to stand up properly. I'm forced to navigate the stairs and hallway hunched over like I had to keep an eye on my kneecaps--you never know what those bastards are up to...

Once outside the theater doors, I collapse into a giggling heap of stupid on the carpet.

I'm crying. I can't breathe. I'm a little nauseous. It takes me 15 minutes to get hold of myself.

I'm pretty sure they thought I was drunk. Or maybe a crackhead.

At 20 minutes, I think I've calmed down enough to go back inside. I get halfway down the hall to the stairs, the giggles burble back up, and I must once again flee the theater.

This happens a few more times. I make it back to my seat when there's maybe ten minutes left in the film.

For years after, I can't even LOOK at a picture of Willie Nelson without giggling. The other thing I can't do is explain why it's so funny to me.

This is what I can say, "It made me a lot more forgiving of people who make noise during movies."


  1. OMG that is too funny. I wish I was in that movie theater to see you!!! And nothing against Willie, but I wouldn't kiss him either.

    1. If there's one thing I can do very well, it's make a complete bozo out of myself. But it makes for good stories later. If you can tell them without wetting yourself from over the top gigglefits.

      (Sorry, Willie! But you're still an amazing musician!)

  2. OOps I meant to say I wouldn't kiss Jack, nor would I go out on a date with Willie

    1. I'm also going to say that part of the Oooog-factor for me with the Jack Nicholson kiss was that I can't look at the man without thinking of The Shining. That movie still scares the crap out of me.

  3. That's hilarious. I remember deciding that instead of being afraid of thunder (third grade), that I would giggle instead. This idea worked a little too well and I ended laughing myself into a tizzy in the lunchroom in front of the whole school. Lucky for me, this was way before the age of ritalin.

    1. That's some willpower! you must have found yourself very compelling when you worked through this decision!

      I still don't think I could pull that off. The best I can do is think of something ridiculous and seriously unlikely and then terrify myself with it. I got in trouble for this all the time growing up. There's a snake under my bed for SURE this time! _.~``~._.~<

  4. Lol!!! That's too funny, Amalie. Poor Willie....

    1. I know! I'm sure he read it! Google alert had to have told him! Right now, he's all sad because a crazy hillbilly doesn't want to date him(but will do him the courtesy of returning his calls).

  5. LMAO!! Okay, this post is filled with awesome.
    You sound like you'd be a trip to hang with.

    My roommate and I had similar situations. But its my former bestie that used to get me into HEAPS of trouble with the giggle fits. LOL

    1. Haha Thank you :) You can always count on me to be loud and inappropriate. I like to think that it's part of my charm.

      Gigglefits like to sneak up on you during events where you shouldn't laugh until your nose runs.

      But on the plus side, if you laugh long and hard enough, I think it actually qualifies as Cardio! At least, that's what I tell myself!


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